I wish I had checked my email and found this before I found the hole in the wall my dog chewed.

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door -- pet nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
    print in the
    middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
    your food
    and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
    me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because
    I fall
    faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
    about
    this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
    comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
    sleep. It is
    not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
    fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
    out and
    having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
    nothing but
    sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
    by some
    miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
    under
    the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
    door I
    entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
    feline
    assistance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
    butt.  I
    cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
    front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off thefurniture.
        (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
    who is
    short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3 Are easier to train
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't want to wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a "kazillion" dollars for college.
    And finally,

    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Any other day I would agree with this 100%. today not so much. 

  I just love that! They love you no matter what you look like and are there to comfort you when you need it.

This is great I'm sending it to all the pet lovers in my family

Can't even laugh at this.  I use to love dogs.  Always had medium to large mutts, which were great. Actually paid $400 this time for the most annoying dog in the world.  Anyone want a 4 yr old male yorkiepoo???  Completely turned me off to ever getting another dog again.

You know what she was strictly an indoor cat until recently.  My kids wanted to take them outside about 2 weeks ago.  The cats LOVE it.  After a week of them going out and in is when it started. She was doing awesome until that point. Maybe she got confused.  Who knows.  I was going to make them be strictly indoor cats but we have a outdoor cat as well and everytime he went outside they were dying to follow. He is worshipped by them (his name is Gracie ) when he comes in they jump up from naps or whatever they are doing and follow him everywhere. He has become really great with them.  I do prefer to let them stay outside but still let them come in to eat.  If I leave the food outside the possums (nasty things ) eat their food.