Ive seen other versions of this (sorry if this is a repeat) but this one makes me laugh the hardest---




This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor lea ding to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department an d told other shoppers he'd
invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he
picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming the '
Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
 different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK
 ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
 position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, w aited awhile, and then
 yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,

Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager
 

lmao     Maybe Im weird but I would love to go to walmart with someone who acted like that. 

Me also...of course I would be right in the middle of it!  Sounds a lot like me and my sister's antics!

You packin'?  You're so gangsta 

Where do you live?  Compton?  j/k 

Chemically infiltrated water and everybody packin' heat.  Sounds like a zombie movie   

LMAO!! 

I was @ our super center last night and a trio of boy teens were hangin' out in the bra and panties dept.  They were snickering at the size of certain bras and laughing like they had never seen bras or boobs that big.  Probably hadn't.  Anyways, it annoyed me intensely and I couldn't help but ram my cart into the backs of one of the lucky buttstain's heels.  Then I went and bought a Snickers and some Midol.

I haven't had a cig since Saturday night...well, early Sunday morning.  I'm more than just a little tense right now  <---that's me smiling through clenched teeth.  I thought maybe I'd sneak one and if nobody saw me it wouldn't count.  My little heathens I mean angels broke all of my cigs and shoved them back in the box and hid the box!!  I thought I had found them only to discover they were broken.  You should have seen my face    In that order too!

Next time I decide to start and then quit I'll be sure to keep that to myself, accept my fate and take my chances with cancer.  This is pure hell I tell ya!  I can't function.  I've taken 2 naps and didn't get up til 10am!

Cold turkey is the only way for me.  I tried weening myself off a little at a time.  Nope.  Kept smoking.  The only thing is I've had to give up beer in the meantime as well.  I can't drink a beer and NOT want a cig!  And I must have eaten an entire box of freeze pops.  I've been thristy, hungry, tired, and sweaty since quitting.  My mind is mush as well.  It's hard to complete a thought or talk out loud w/o rambling all over the place.  I feel retarded.

Hey Ping Pong!    I just saw an opened pack that has 4 of em left.  They were in hubby's dresser.  I saw them when I was putting clothes away.  I didn't say anything nor did I throw them away.  Hubby's working late and the boys are fighting something fierce.  I'm feeling crazy    I never knew withdrawl could be so terrible!  I stopped cold turkey being pregnant with both of the boys.  It didn't feel anything like this!