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3mnkids1
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« on: August 23, 2007, 03:21:31 AM » |
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I had a talk with my daughter after her eye exam yesterday. she was very upset. I understand that. I was upset too. we got to talking about her vision and what it meant for her. Ya know we tell our kids they can be anything they want to be and sometimes that isnt true. so yesterday I pretty much had to crush her dreams(as she put it). she has wanted since the age of five to go in the military. just ask her. what do you want to do when you grow up. join the military is what she says, everytime. so, I had to tell her that she needed to start thinking about other career paths. She will never be able to join the military, be a police officer or anything like that. I dont know what else to do. she has to except it and start finding something else she is interested in. She got even more upset, my husband got mad at me. It was a mess. Should I have let her just think yes, you can do anything you want or be honest with her? I dont know what to do. I dont even know if she will be able to drive. I didnt tell her that though. I worry so much about her. Everytime we go the eye doc and she covers her good eye I hold my breath thinking this time she is gunna see something. and everytime nothing. Should I lie and say ya know maybe I made a mistake and you will be able to do those things? or continue being honest with her?
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tiffandrock
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« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2007, 03:38:06 AM » |
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I had a talk with my daughter after her eye exam yesterday. she was very upset. I understand that. I was upset too. we got to talking about her vision and what it meant for her. Ya know we tell our kids they can be anything they want to be and sometimes that isnt true. so yesterday I pretty much had to crush her dreams(as she put it). she has wanted since the age of five to go in the military. just ask her. what do you want to do when you grow up. join the military is what she says, everytime. so, I had to tell her that she needed to start thinking about other career paths. She will never be able to join the military, be a police officer or anything like that. I dont know what else to do. she has to except it and start finding something else she is interested in. She got even more upset, my husband got mad at me. It was a mess. Should I have let her just think yes, you can do anything you want or be honest with her? I dont know what to do. I dont even know if she will be able to drive. I didnt tell her that though. I worry so much about her. Everytime we go the eye doc and she covers her good eye I hold my breath thinking this time she is gunna see something. and everytime nothing. Should I lie and say ya know maybe I made a mistake and you will be able to do those things? or continue being honest with her?
oh wow that is hard. Well I don't know what to tell you. My husband has OCD. And for a long time he though God wanted him to go to the navy, In actually he was just obsessing because my last boyfriend before him, was in the navy. So one day he went to call the navy, at a public phone book, and the navy phone numbers were ripped out. That stopped it. But he wouldn't of been able to get in anyways because of his "mental" ocd. Your daughter is young, maybe she will change her mind. IF not inst there other things she can do in the navy? That you don't have to have perfect vision? Also maybe her vision will change, mine have. I used to have horrible vision, and couldnt read signs, but now I can read them. Its wierd. Well I good luck. It stinks when our kids are sad. |
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2007, 03:52:42 AM » |
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I thought it might improve but I asked the doc yesterday and he just shook his head. She could do the patch thing but its unlikely that it would help. and we tried it before and its very frustrating for her because she has to sit in one spot she cant be up moving around because she bumps into stuf.
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pdm
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« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2007, 04:53:08 AM » |
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IMO your tearing her down by telling her what she can't do. If she believes she can do it let her believe she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to do.
My husband is blind in one eye and he doesn't let anything stop him from doing what he wants to do in life. He has been blind in one eye his entire life.
If he believes he can accomplish it then I stand behind him all the way. If he doesn't accomplish it then he tried his best to achieve what he that goal.
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2007, 05:22:54 AM » |
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believe me my intent was not to tear her down. Im just afraid she will be sooo set on joining the military that she doesnt consider anything else. Doesnt try to get great grades because hey, im joining the military I dont need good grades. or not having a back up at all. I understand what you are saying and I dont want her to just give up im just trying to find a happy medium. I just worry that she will work so hard towards something and find out it was all for nothing. I wasnt trying to hurt her or be mean.
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pdm
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« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2007, 07:33:10 AM » |
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Sometimes tho we have to stand behind their dreams and wishes until they realize they can't accomplish them on their own. I didn't mean to sound like you were being mean and hurtful to your daughter and I hope you didn't take it that way. I apologize if you took my message being the wrong way. I shouldn't have said you were tearing her down. I should have put it another way. How old is your daughter? I know the whole 4 years of my son's high school years all I heard was he wanted to go into the army and the army was going to be his life but when he finished school he changed his mind. Me on the other hand did not want him joining the military but supported him in his decision at the time. I was so relieved once he said he wasn't going to enlist. And my daughter is in the 12th grade this year and has no idea what she wants to do with her life. All she tells me is she wants to be a wife and mother and I tell her it's more to life than being a wife and mother and that she needs to go to college but that falls on deaf ears! So who knows what she wants to do. At least your daughter has plans.  |
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2007, 08:05:48 AM » |
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I understood what you were saying and I think im just feeling a little guilty about this whole mess. I should have handled it differently. I was just trying to make her see that she should look at other careers and it came out all wrong. If she had just started talking about the service I wouldnt worry about. she has been saying this since she was five, she is eleven now and thats been what she has always wanted to do. She knows more about politics and the war in iraq than I do.  Its not a passing fad. she has never said anything about wanting to be anything else. I dont think she will change her mind. I hope, I really do, that she can find someway to join the service. All I want is for her to be happy. she has more than a few years to change her mind or find a way to do what she wants. I just wanted her to have a back up plan. I appreciate your advice. especially since you have experience with the same issues. |
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ktshome
SA Member
SA Silver Member
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Posts: 199
Mood:Hot 
Hope springs eternal!
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« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2007, 08:31:16 AM » |
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I don't know what age your daughter is. When I was growing up, many things were "closed" to me because I was a girl/woman. And, I wore glasses (very nearsighted) before I was 9! At that time, when I graduated from high school (1965), the things a "woman" was "expected" to do ranged from a stewardess (yes, they were called that then!), a model (if you were tall and thin), to nurse (not doctor), to going to college and earn your "Mrs. degree." I don't what to tell you, except dry you daughter's tears, and tell her "you can do whatever you want to do!" Maybe she can't be a pilot with the Air Force, but there are other things she can do in the military I bet. She can be a physics phenomenon and go into NASA! Or, go into prosthetics and make things better for the young men and women who come home from the war (any war) and need her help.... Who knows? She could be President of the U.S. or a U.S. Senator, or anything... She only has to dream and work hard - and have parents who support her. Hug her for me... Kate |
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pdm
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« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2007, 09:18:30 AM » |
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I pm'd ya back. If I had a penny for every time I messed up trying to be helpful to one of my kids I'd be rich. She's still young so she could possibly still change her mind once she enters those teen years. Like I said my son from the time he was 13 on up until he finished school there was nothing on his brain but ARMY and blow stuff up. But once it came right down to it he changed his mind. He now has his own business in farming which he said he would never do. |
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baker
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« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2007, 05:02:14 PM » |
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Hi!
I don't know if this would work but I would go to your nearest book store and find a book that has alot of different career choices and give it to your daughter. She may not look at it at first but maybe she will find out that there are alot of different directions she could go that hasn't crossed her mind yet. You might be able to look at yourself and mention some of the neat things that are available out there. Who knows maybe she will take to one of them or maybe there will be some new medical breakthrough that would help her to see better. Either way she could always look at what she wants now and maybe some other choices if she needs to change careers. Good Luck either way.
Cindy B.
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tharedhead
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« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2007, 08:20:02 PM » |
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Is she old enough to watch Little Miss Sunshine? One characters visual problems keeping him from going to flight school is an important part of the plot.
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Amy Shulkusky
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« Reply #11 on: October 13, 2007, 02:39:27 AM » |
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Is she old enough to watch Little Miss Sunshine? One characters visual problems keeping him from going to flight school is an important part of the plot.
That's what I was thinking - try to find her a role model that has accomplished things in spite of a disability.  If her dream is to serve her country/fellow man, there are other options, aren't there?  3mnkids1 - it's so tough being a mom, wanting the best for them, and having the experience/knowledge to know what they want is probably not attainable - on the one hand, you want to tell them the truth/what you've learned, on the other, you don't want to make them feel it doesn't matter what they do, that they're licked before they try!!! My heart goes out to you both  |
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lidarkside
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« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2007, 05:17:17 AM » |
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I wouldn't have said anything nor even have brought it up. Putting such a focus on something like this is not really a good thing. No one knows what will be available down the road to correct and/or cure anything. You should have just went on as you normally do and not broach the subject. At some point in her life, she will be mature enough to know what she is or isn't capable of without the emotional trauma that comes with being young and immature.
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swannyj
SA Member
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« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2007, 08:47:37 AM » |
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Hi, I was browsing the forum trying to remind myself that people do win when I saw your post regarding your daughter. I am a recently retired "transition counselor" with the Tx. Commisision for the Blind, which means I provided vocational rehab services (services geared to assisting them to become employed and happy tax payers!) to kids 10 yrs. and up who had reduced vision or blindness. Joining the military, becoming a nurse, and driving were often areas that needed to be explored and addressed. I believe I could provide some resources but before doing so would like to know a little more about your daughter's eye condition and her current acuities. Also, is she receiving vision services from the school?
Regards,
Judy
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #14 on: October 16, 2007, 09:39:41 AM » |
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Thank you very much. I pm'd you.
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aruho
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« Reply #15 on: October 21, 2007, 09:01:29 PM » |
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I just wanted to send warm thoughts your family's way. |
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