gerardp
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« on: July 29, 2008, 05:32:45 PM » |
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:scratch:Hi, I feel very awkward writing about this but I'm not sure who to talk to. Anyway, I've posted on here before and people were very kind and helpful. I won't use real names here because it's a little embarrassing. My wife has been acting very strange lately and I believe she might be having an affair. It feels weird even writing that!!! We've been married since we were in our early twenties and have two children. We've had our ups and downs like everyone else, but nothing very serious. Anyway, she has been doing some odd things lately. I will walk in on her on her cell phone and she will move to another room or start giving one word answers to whoever is on the phone. When I ask who she's talking to, she just says it's a coworker. I've asked to see the cellphone bill the last couple of months, and she keeps telling me she paid it and threw it away. She has also been staying at school late into the evening(she's a professor at a local junior college), sometimes until 7 or 8 at night. Our physical relationship has come almost to a complete halt also. My best friend Bill told me I am just being crazy because Susy(my wife) would never do that. It's strange because I always thought if either of us strayed, it would be me. I have had opportunities over the years, but I have always turned them down, mainly because I knew my wife would never do it to me. I'm starting to get paranoid and am even contemplating getting one of those nanny cams, or doing some kind of stake-out at her job. Anyway, am I being paranoid? I'm going on a hunting trip this weekend and it's driving me crazy thinking what she might be doing. If I install the nanny cam, is that a violation of her privacy, or me covering my back? Thanks
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champagne
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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2008, 05:58:02 PM » |
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hi gerardp.... welcome to SA.....
I have to say, i'm always one to trust my gut.... you are feeling the way you feel for a reason in my opinion. if you've never felt this way before, then why now? things seem to be happening out of the ordinary and you are noticing. trust yourself. my advice. i do have a question, why do you say "if someone strayed, it would be you"? why did you assume there is that possibility someone would cheat, and if so,, you? just curious. i'm soooo sorry you are going threw these uncertain emotions. please, we are always here if you need us..... this is very scary to be feeling something like this...... i'm here if you want to talk ever...
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gerardp
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« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2008, 06:23:59 PM » |
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Wow, I guess I really did sound like a jerk with the" I thought it would be me" comment. It's just that my wife seemed to be completely and utterly devoted to me since we were 19. She would always talk about sleeping with someone as gross or disgusting. I, on the other hand, was never as concrete in my feelings I guess. I never planned on cheating, I just never thought it was an impossibility like her. I guess in every relationship you have the one person who you know would never cheat, and I thought it was her.
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tharedhead
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« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2008, 08:40:03 PM » |
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My standard advice to anyone who thinks their spouse may be cheating is to go have STD testing. The way diseases are these days, don't take chances. Then you may wish to consider counseling. If the spouse will not go with you, going alone can still be helpful. As far as documentation of the affair should you decide to divorce, a licensed private investigator can tell you about the laws in your state, and do all that for you in a legal manner. Its a bit stressfull to do that yourself. If you can afford a professional, they can be quite helpful.
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cinphi
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« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2008, 12:04:16 AM » |
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It sounds suspicious to me. I know that may not be what you want to hear but I have been down that road and if you are suspecting something maybe you should just come out and ask her. Now the next thing I am going to say may upset you but how close is your best friend to your wife? Please don't get offended by me asking you this but it may be something to think about. You have to know I do not have all the facts here and I am not trying to cause you any more heartache but since I know something about this sort of thing I felt I should ask. Please know my heart goes out to you and I really do hope you find out soon what exactly is going on.
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gerardp
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« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2008, 05:31:05 AM » |
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Wow!! I never thought about some of those things, STD'S!!!!!! I'm not offended by the best friend question. He also teaches at my wife's school, but I don't believe he would ever do that to me. We've been friends since 6th grade. Besides, he's at our house all the time and I don't get any weird vibes from them, they hardly even speak to eachother as a matter of fact. He keeps telling me I'm being an idiot and to just drop the whole thing. I haven't told anyone about the nannycam, but I've decided to go ahead and do it. I called some spy shop near my home and I'm going there tomorrow to see what they have. I'm going to set it up this Thursday night before I leave on my hunting trip. I'm not sure if I'm even going to have the guts to watch whatever it catches anyway. I can't believe it has come to this. Thanks anyway.
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cinphi
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« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2008, 05:47:38 AM » |
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Wow!! I never thought about some of those things, STD'S!!!!!! I'm not offended by the best friend question. He also teaches at my wife's school, but I don't believe he would ever do that to me. We've been friends since 6th grade. Besides, he's at our house all the time and I don't get any weird vibes from them, they hardly even speak to eachother as a matter of fact. He keeps telling me I'm being an idiot and to just drop the whole thing. I haven't told anyone about the nannycam, but I've decided to go ahead and do it. I called some spy shop near my home and I'm going there tomorrow to see what they have. I'm going to set it up this Thursday night before I leave on my hunting trip. I'm not sure if I'm even going to have the guts to watch whatever it catches anyway. I can't believe it has come to this. Thanks anyway.
I would just say don't rule out anything or anyone because a lot of times it is the person you least expect. Honestly I hope all this is not going on with her and that it's just maybe your immagination. Have you considered asking her? She may be upset if you do but maybe it would bring the discussion out there and maybe it could help you two to communicate. |
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2008, 06:23:54 AM » |
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sorry you are going through this. I would definitely say go with your gut. It something doesn't feel right then there may be something to it. How has her behavior changed. Is she more concerned with her appearance. stopped doing things that she always did before. I hope everything works out for you.
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angeldotcom2
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« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2008, 05:12:39 PM » |
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Hi I just read this and the feeling u have abou your wife acting funny i really hope it nothing but i will tell u what i am going about my husband of 10 years i just found out he has been cheating and he was acting funny and being late from work .I would never belivie he would of been doing that i belivie what ever he said because we never fussed and he was my best friend to when he say i am just tired and when he would talk on the phone in the other room just didnt seem right but he always had a anwser. I am lost he left me 2 months ago now wants a divorce just out of the blue i am shock about it all and very depessed. I need a support group before i go nuts i just can't ge over he would do this . I never trust again like this never. I have a big heart and this makes it worser because i can't get mad just hurt.
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gerardp
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« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2008, 06:31:43 AM » |
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I called in sick today to go and purchase the cameras. It cost over 200.00 dollars, which I will feel like a fool for spending if this turns out to be nothing. Apparently, I'm not the only one who's done this because the guy at the store was telling me all these stories about people setting up these cameras in their house. I didn't really explain to him what I was doing, I sort of made him believe it was a babysitting issue. It's three little wireless pinhole cameras that feeds video right to your computer. It only took me about an hour to set them up. I put one in a potted plant in our entertainment center in the living room, one in the vent of our bedroom, and one outside under the awning. I tested them out and they work pretty good. My best friend canceled on our hunting trip at the last minute(I think his wife was never up for him going anyway). So it's going to be me and my other buddy Jeff, which is ok. Although Jeff never shuts up!! I won't have any fun anyway because I'll be going crazy thinking about what's happening at home. I can't believe I'm doing this. this is the type of stuff I would look at on Maury Povich or Dr. Phil and be like "Those people are pathetic!"
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jsanders98
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« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2008, 08:33:22 AM » |
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The cameras are a great idea, but have you straight up asked her? My husband was cheating and wouldn't admit it, but I had the feeling. I knew. I found out by checking his messages on his voice mail of his cell phone. I had never done that before and didn't even know the pass code - I just guessed. I think I was meant to know, because I guessed right. The evidence was there. He still tried to denyit, but when I told him I everything I knew, he confessed. You should talk to her. It may still that she is talking to someone and thinking about more, but not completely convinced to have an affair. Or, maybe it isn't anything of the kind. I hope it all works out okay for you. It hurts, but life goes on.
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angeldotcom2
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« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2008, 04:17:52 PM » |
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It is me again i just wanted to say i will be saying a pray for u that everything will be ok and that she is not cheating. I will come back to see what u found out and if u need someone to talk to let me know i will give u my addy . I know how u feel and i do pray it is nothing. I read my post i wrote before Sorry about the mistakes i made in my writting. was very tired when i wrote it God Bless U !!!!!
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miki
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« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2008, 04:40:56 PM » |
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Hi, welcome to SA. I am so very sorry you may be going through this. I have no words of wisdom but, I have been there and it was indeed someone "close" to us. You are in my thoughts, big (((((hugs))))
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gerardp
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« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2008, 01:55:21 PM » |
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Well I'm leaving the house in about an hour to go on my trip. The cameras will start recording about thirty minutes after I leave. Thanks so much for all the encouraging words and advice. I thought about asking her, but the truth is I wouldn't know wether to believe her anyway. At least if I have proof, I can rest better with any decision I make. I'm returning home Sunday, I'll let you know what happens. I'm still not sure if I will even have the stomach to look at it.
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ping1970
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« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2008, 03:47:06 PM » |
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It is hard...I went through that in my first marriage ~ one of a LONG list of things that I went through. If that is what is happening then you will find a way to get past it and move on. For me that answer was divorce. I could never stay with a man that I knew had cheated on me ~ it would always be in the back of my mind. I know a lot of people do and I admire the people that can move on that way also, because it takes a really really strong person to do that also! I hope that is something that you don't have to face ~ hopefully your fears will be unfounded and you will find a way to move on and try to repair whatever is wrong right now  No matter what, marriage is tough and trying ~ add on top of everything else the economy the way it is and people are just at their breaking points...I wish you the best!! We all have our finger crossed for you! |
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lama1961
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« Reply #15 on: August 05, 2008, 01:38:08 PM » |
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Wow, I hope everything is ok!!!
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gerardp
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« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2008, 01:16:51 PM » |
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Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been in a state of shock for the past three days. I began watching the recordings Monday morning after my wife left for work. Around 11:00 Saturday night, the tape shows a truck pull up in my driveway. I couldn't believe it, it was my best friend who cancelled on me. I knew it was his truck because he has one of those vanity plates on the front. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw it. I talked to my friend and my wife about what they had done over the weekend, and neither of them mentioned him dropping by the house. I'm going out of my mind right now. I finally calmed down enough to call him today. I told him I had suspected Susy was cheating and that I had placed videocameras in the house to record over the weekend, but that I hadn't watched it yet(a lie). I wanted to see what his reaction would be. He became absolutely silent and then busted out crying. He begged me not to watch the tape until he talked to me face to face. That sealed it for me. I started cursing him out while he kept begging for me not to watch the tape. I promised to meet him tomorrow after work. The rage is unexplainable. I don't know wether to watch the rest of the tape or not. All I've seen so far is his truck pulling up to the house and then I stopped it( I couldn't breath). I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.
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ping1970
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« Reply #17 on: August 07, 2008, 03:50:28 PM » |
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Oh my gosh ~ I am so sorry ~ I was really hoping that it was something, anything other than that. Most of the time gut reactions really are right ~ that is why we have them. Please be careful and take care, just remember that you are not thinking right and not to do anything out of anger no matter how justified it may seem at the moment!
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miki
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« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2008, 05:52:26 PM » |
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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I know what a heart wrenching pain this must be for you. Please know that we are here for you. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
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cinphi
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« Reply #19 on: August 07, 2008, 11:54:56 PM » |
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I am so sorry to hear this and I just hope you can think about what to do or not to do. Just be careful and try and not let your emotions get the best of you. I don't think I ever asked but do you have children? It always affect them when something like this happens. You have a lot of decissions to make now and I will pray that you make wise ones.
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tiffandrock
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« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2008, 11:59:36 PM » |
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I'm sorry, that you had to be right about it. But its not your fault. So don't take it out on yourself. Also I don't think you should watch anymore of those videos. It will just make it worse for you.
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drgage
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« Reply #21 on: August 08, 2008, 02:07:08 AM » |
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I am sorry to hear that also. My heart goes out to you.
When you had mentioned that you friend had cancelled the day before I thought (no please not him) if it was true of what you thought.
May god watch over you through your tough times and show you the way.
You know we are all here for you if you need someone to talk to.
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gerardp
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« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2008, 10:41:01 AM » |
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This probably the last time I'm going to post on here for awhile. There are going to be alot of changes in my life in the upcoming weeks and months. I decided to watch the tape before I went to meet my friend(yeah right), I just couldn't take it. The tape started with his truck pulling up in front of my house. After a few minutes, someone got out of the car, but it wasn't him, it was his wife. I actually felt relieved it was her. My wife and her talked all the time and actually took little mini vacations together. I just didn't understand why my wife or my friend didn't mention her coming over that weekend. The tape showed his wife walk into our house(I didn't know she had a key) and just throw her things down like she lived there. She then proceeds to go into our kitchen and pour herself some of our wine. The other camera shows my wife in our bedroom sitting on our bed. At some point it looks like my wife yells something and Kate(my friend's wife) yells something back and proceeded to walk into our room. Someone at the door, I don't know if I will post again, but thanks everyone.
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drgage
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« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2008, 11:27:29 AM » |
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Good luck to you Ger. Hope everything that has been going on in your life has a positive outcome. I am not going to speculate what happened over that weekend (and the time leading up to then), as I will keep that to myself.
Remember that if you need someone to talk to we are all here for you. And remember you are not the only one that this has happened to. Most of us has gone through a lot during our years, some thinking that they can't go on. But you can! You have children that love and need you and always will.
God bless and take care.
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ping1970
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« Reply #24 on: August 11, 2008, 01:36:44 PM » |
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No one is here to judge you in any way ~ never feel strange to come here! We want you to feel comfortable to come here and sweep if nothing else! I can erase this thread if you want me to ~ just let me know.
Good luck to you!
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