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cinphi
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« on: October 21, 2007, 01:59:13 AM » |
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I tell you my mom is a mean person. I won't even bother to go into the whole story but she can't stand to see her children ( which there are 9 of us) do anything with my dad.
They are still married but should not be. She has even said she wants him dead. How mean is that.
We have been dealing with her our whole life and I am sick of it and her. I love her but don't like her. I can forgive her for all the hatefull things she's done to me but honestly I just can't stand her at times.
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Wolfie
Queen of All Chocolate
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« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2007, 01:35:32 PM » |
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I wish I knew what to say to you. I understand the not liking her thing. There are lots of people we love, but do not like, for whatever reason. The only thing I would suggest to you is to get your relationship to a point that if, god forbid, something happens to her, you do not regret any feelings or anything that you should have done/said, but didn't.
Wish there was more support I could offer you. But honestly, in the end, don't have any regrets.
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cinphi
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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2007, 01:54:29 PM » |
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I wish I knew what to say to you. I understand the not liking her thing. There are lots of people we love, but do not like, for whatever reason. The only thing I would suggest to you is to get your relationship to a point that if, god forbid, something happens to her, you do not regret any feelings or anything that you should have done/said, but didn't.
Wish there was more support I could offer you. But honestly, in the end, don't have any regrets.
Thanks wofie I know I have to just remember she is still my mom and I am not mad at her just disappointed and I will talk to her when I see her but sometimes I just want to shake some sense into her. She is so childish she hung up on me today on the phone . I just need a break from her I am done thanks for letting me vent. |
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miki
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2007, 02:07:46 PM » |
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I am so sorry you an your siblings have to deal with this.
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cinphi
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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2007, 03:46:39 AM » |
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I am so sorry you an your siblings have to deal with this.
Thank you for your kindness |
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2007, 04:31:28 AM » |
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sorry your mom is like that. When she starts in again just tell her you dont want to hear it. Its not nice and it makes you feel bad. If she continues doing it walk away from her. If she is on the phone. hang up on her. I know it sounds harsh but maybe thats what is going to take. My Parents were that way. ugh!! Its amazing that even when we are grown they can still hurts us or make us feel bad. Life is to short to be around someone like that.
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cinphi
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2007, 05:06:27 AM » |
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sorry your mom is like that. When she starts in again just tell her you dont want to hear it. Its not nice and it makes you feel bad. If she continues doing it walk away from her. If she is on the phone. hang up on her. I know it sounds harsh but maybe thats what is going to take. My Parents were that way. ugh!! Its amazing that even when we are grown they can still hurts us or make us feel bad. Life is to short to be around someone like that.
You know you are exactly right in everything you have said here. It's a control thing. I am to the point where I just accept it and let her do what she will. Life is too short and I will be there for her as I have when she had surgery but there is no excuse for this at her age 73. Thank you all so much for listening and for your advice. It is well appreciated Cindy |
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Wolfie
Queen of All Chocolate
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« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2007, 01:22:20 PM » |
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Hang in there Cin!  |
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pdm
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« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2007, 05:03:36 PM » |
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Sounds like she is set in her ways and nothing will change her. Just remember she might not be around for much longer and once she is gone you will miss her even her contrary moments that got on your nerves.
My mom was so contrary and agitated me to no end at times but gosh what I would give to have one more time for her to agitate me. I miss her so much.
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cinphi
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« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2007, 07:04:58 AM » |
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Sounds like she is set in her ways and nothing will change her. Just remember she might not be around for much longer and once she is gone you will miss her even her contrary moments that got on your nerves.
My mom was so contrary and agitated me to no end at times but gosh what I would give to have one more time for her to agitate me. I miss her so much.
I know you are right and I do love her but trust me this woman is mean. She actually wished I would get into a car wreck and die. Now I do pray for her but there are times when you ask yourself how can someone wish that on her own child. I will be there for her and miss her when she is gone but she is not a happy person and she likes to make everyone else feel that way. Thanks for listening Cindy |
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tiffandrock
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« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2007, 07:29:27 AM » |
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Sounds like my dad. He is so mean, everything he says is a put down, always something negative. He doesn't know how to give us positive support. Growing up was hell around him. And Im 23 now and Im still around him. Cause I work for him. My mom is loving caring, always there for me. But my dad is just a big jerk. He finds everything wrong with me. Its a good thing my mom is so loving. Because after Im around him, my self esteem is popped, and im just like an popped balloon.
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3mnkids1
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« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2007, 08:12:29 AM » |
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I went thru that with both of my parents. They make you feel like nonsense and seem to enjoy it. I eventually just said I have had enough I'm not going to listen to you anymore. wrote them off!! I know that isn't always the answer. If there is hope of a decent relationship. I had no choice. They were like a cancer. They are both deceased now. I don't feel bad about anything I said or did to them. Some people don't know how to be parents. They don't know the damage they do. My brother is an absolute mess because of them. Im not exactly normal either  Tiff. you are a good person. Dont let the negative nasty things he says bother you. just keep telling yourself "your wrong dad". |
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Amy Shulkusky
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« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2007, 08:32:47 AM » |
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It took me about 10 years to change how my mom related to me and others. She was very sensitive and took EVERYTHING personally! I got tired of listening to her complain about how everyone was so mean to her, and started playing Devil's Advocate to try to get her to see that there were other ways of looking at things. My Aunt moved out here to LV and did the same thing, and today my mom credits us both for changing her outlook. My mom is now much happier - and nicer!!! I realize this doesn't really fit what you are going through Cindy, but sometimes we have to be blunt to get through to those we love, and if they take offense and write us off for it, we have to remember it's THEIR problem, not ours, and accept they are incapable of truly loving us for ourselves. To all of us hurt/damaged by uncaring/hateful/hurtful loved ones - we must love ourselves, then those that REALLY matter will love us!!!  |
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Amy Shulkusky
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« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2007, 08:51:02 AM » |
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Sounds like my dad. He is so mean, everything he says is a put down, always something negative. He doesn't know how to give us positive support. Growing up was hell around him. And Im 23 now and Im still around him. Cause I work for him. My mom is loving caring, always there for me. But my dad is just a big jerk. He finds everything wrong with me. Its a good thing my mom is so loving. Because after Im around him, my self esteem is popped, and im just like an popped balloon.
Tiff - my long lost sis!!! Sounds exactly like my dad acted.  My parents divorced as I was joining the service, so avoiding him was easy. Years later, he wrote me a letter apologizing (boy was I shocked!!!) turned out he was manic-depressive all those years and when he got so paranoid he scared his 2nd wife, he sought help. I talk to him rarely, and when he tries to manipulate me, I see right through it and chide him for it and that usually gets him to cut it out. But I prefer to not have any contact because he still sees me as the wild child I was 30 years ago, instead of as an adult. If I was in your shoes? I'd try to get as far away from him and his negativity as possible!!! If that wasn't feasible? I'd not react to or believe his put downs - he can't have power over you if you don't allow it. It takes time (see my above post) but if it is important that you stay working for him, you have to change how he interacts with you or you will never be happy, and you must believe that you deserve to be happy, because we all do!!! |
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ll1
Electrical Specialist
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« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2007, 08:55:31 AM » |
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It is always best to be who you are and not be controlled, and sometimes you have to be your best example as to how you should be.You will not always get it right but if you make the effort and try to be your best or follow those examples of people you truly admire , knowing everyone has faults of some kind you will turn out the better for the effort |
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tharedhead
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« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2007, 01:58:17 PM » |
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Can we trade family members, your Mom could have my brother and I could have you for a sister? My Mom and I would be really happy with that arrangement  |
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cinphi
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« Reply #16 on: October 25, 2007, 06:44:47 AM » |
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Can we trade family members, your Mom could have my brother and I could have you for a sister? My Mom and I would be really happy with that arrangement You know I would love to be your sister Thank you all for the great advice and Tiff in the end we will all be fine because if we do what is right in our hearts we are better off. They will have to deal with who they are and you know what it's their loss for not loving us for the great children we are. |
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cinphi
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« Reply #17 on: October 25, 2007, 06:48:14 AM » |
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Also I just wanted to add I have read all of the posts again and I have tears in my eyes because there is just so much kindness here. I am feeling the love people . Thanks so much Cindy |
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tinymomo
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« Reply #18 on: October 31, 2007, 04:59:14 AM » |
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She actually WISHED you would get in a car wreck and die? Is this person on drugs? COME ON! No need to even have this toxic person in your life.
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cinphi
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« Reply #19 on: October 31, 2007, 05:16:03 AM » |
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She actually WISHED you would get in a car wreck and die? Is this person on drugs? COME ON! No need to even have this toxic person in your life.
Yes she said that. She is very bitter |
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lidarkside
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« Reply #20 on: October 31, 2007, 11:53:37 PM » |
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No one seems to have asked this, so I will. What is your mother bitter about?  |
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cinphi
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« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2007, 12:27:03 AM » |
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No one seems to have asked this, so I will. What is your mother bitter about? I would say pretty much everything. But I could only guess it all comes from her childhood I really don't know for sure what is the root of her anger but the real problem is she wants to make everyone else bitter also. I know she has had difficult times in her life but she is not willing to change and I am not the one to help her because i am her daughter and she is the mother.At least that's what she says to her children. All I can do is pray about it and believe God will melt her heart some day |
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lidarkside
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« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2007, 12:36:04 AM » |
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Well, anger issues will do it. I had anger and self-esteem issues as a result of being belittled and put down as a child. My husband had anger issues, because his parents died when he was young; and when you're that young you view it as abandonment. People in this situation will do one of two things. They will either try to draw people to them that will continue the control and abuse, because they feel that is what they deserve; or they will "mirror", cause other people to feel the way they do by treating them in such a manner. It sounds like your mother "mirrors". In her mind, she feels that it is only fair for others to feel the way she does.
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cinphi
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« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2007, 05:14:47 AM » |
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Yes it is sad and I do love her because she is my mom but I just have to remember to step back from her and not get caught up in her anger.
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jeffandchristie
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« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2007, 03:12:35 AM » |
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My grandmother is a bitter person, but not mean. She talks about my grandpa like he was awful to her and it is so sad to hear. I finally got enough courage to tell her that I don't see it the way she does and I love him and I wish she wasn't so bitter toward him. He's been dead 10 years for heaven's sake let it rest. It hasn't stopped her, but at least she knows how I feel about it and that makes me feel a little better even if she doesn't.
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