SKIPPING CHURCH

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet any one he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,"Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

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If Biblical Headlines were written by today's media...

On Red Sea crossing:
   WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
      Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
    HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
      Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
    FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
      400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
    HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
      Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
    PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
      Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
    LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
      "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
     MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
       Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
     FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
       Will Reading to be Delayed