1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home!'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this
morning."
"I don't believe you,"says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy .

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!"

13 . I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in
an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal" The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds,"They' re twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time , which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him
rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath This made him...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)...
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.