>   After I retired, my husband insisted that he accompany me on trips to
>Target. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and
>preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, like most women, I
>like to browse. Yesterday I received the following letter from the local
>Target:
>
>
> Dear Mrs. Woodard,
>
>    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
>our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
>both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
>Woodard, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
>cameras.
>
>    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
>people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
>    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at
>5-minute intervals.
>
>    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
>women's restroom.
>
>    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
>voice, "Code 3 in House wares.  Get on it right away."  This caused the
>employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
>Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management
>to lose time and costing the company money.
>
>    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
>on layaway.
>
>    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
>    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
>children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
>blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
>
>    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
>crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were
>called.
>
>    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
>mirror while he picked his nose.
>
>    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
>asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>
>    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
>humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
>
>    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
>by using different sizes of funnels.
>
>    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
>through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!'"
>
>    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
>assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
>
>    And last, but not least:
>
>    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
>awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here."
>One of the clerks passed out.