First I would like to start with congratulating everyone for all there wins and good fortune, second I would like to say to everyone else who is having a hard time that I am truely sorry and my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I need to keep up on my posting but things just seem to keep going from bad to worse, I know this storm has got to break but I am not sure when. I need a little advice. recently after all the other mess , my daughter decided to brek up with her boyfriend of 2 years afte a violent episode and we supported nd comforted her, then she did a stupid thing and got back with him and moved in with him. Well then she broke up agiain and moved back home 2 more times and we were always there (and I always will be) but we told her we cannot support the violence, like any good parent would. Well come to find out, she had blown everything way out of proportion and it was not all him but the poor boy never stood a chance. Now since she has moved back in with him , her dad has pretty much diowned her. I love my husband, but in our 21 years of marriage he has never been the type of guy to show emotion, he will never hug you or touch you in any way (he did while we were dating) and he said the way he shows us (the family) how he loves us is by going out to work and providing , ok that is fine but children need some sort of hugs,kisses and emotion even if there 20 right? But it seemed he just flipped a switch like he never had a daughter. His mom is the same way. He has 3 other brothers but 1 committed suicide in 1979 and you would never know he existed. Dougs dad died in 1989, same there, only 1 picture of each of them and they are never talked about. I am having a hard time with this because I will never turn my back on my child no matter what but he expects me too and now it has caused problems between me and him. Well the other night we had a huge fight and I told him I didnt want to live another 20 years with him only touching me , well, you know, when he's in the mood, and he ask me what I meant , so I told him if he didnt show some emotions and accept his daughter that I just couldnt do it any more. He picked up the phone and called my daughter and told her that because she moved out that it was her fault that I wanted a divorce, what kind of a person does that?? He is just like his mother and I have tried for almost 22 years and I still have a 13 year old at home that I am willing to stay here for till he is just a little bit older but am I wrong or just totally insane (well i am a little insane, my whole side of the family is but in a good way). I am usually a happy go luck type of person and I want a little bit of that out of life and he does not. I want my children to be happy and am willing to sacrifice my happiness for theirs because they mean that much to me. Oh and by the way, I was only allowed to have 2 children because him and his mother made me get my tubes tied, anyone that has mother in law problems please come see me, i have evn more horror stories i can tell you that i have put up with, but am nearing the end of my rope. Thanks for listening and sorry for going on but I dont have too many people I can talk too, thay know everyone in this friggin town or are related to them.

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this!  It is so hard when people get into these type of situations, trust me, I know.  Your husband and mine could be twins I do believe, and I will tell you that you will never understand him.  It is impossible to understand a person like that, but you have to realize that you can't make them feel any other way either.  I know it seems hopeless.

Playing your daughter against you is just crazy and a way to make you feel even worse.  Don't let it work.  You are going to have to be strong and take time to figure out where you want to go from here.  If you are anything like me it isn't an easy answer.  Just remember that you are important and that you deserve happiness also! 

I have a lot more that I would love to talk to you about, but I have people around right now and can't really type freely.  Just know that I am praying for you and that I am here for you my friend.  I will send you my contact information and you can call me if you want and I will listen to you if you need a friend at any time.  Don't ever feel alone.  If it wasn't for my friends on here I think I would be crazy at times...remember that you have us!

Tammy

I wish I could  help you--you sound like you could use some good advice.  I can't offer good advice (I am in a relatively young marriage of 6 years) but can always offer a ear to listen (or in this case, eyes to read). 

My mom was in a horrible relationship for many years, through my teenage years, with my stepfather.  He was not physically abusive, as far as I know, but was mentally abusive and his family was one of most horrendous I have seen.  It sounds like your MIL is quite a peach.  So was this man's mom. 

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.  Just decide that your happiness is just as important as the happiness of those around you, or even more so.  If you are happy and doing the things you love and make you feel right, then others will see this and follow suit.  Maybe if you talk to your husband more about this, and show your daughter that it's OK to be strong and to ask for what you want, she will too.

I am sending lots of happy thoughts your way. 
I know you'll get through this. 

Have to go-my dog is trying to eat play-doh. 

I really have no answers for you, and no great advice. I will say prayers for you and your family. And one other thing, you said you would stay awhile for the 13 year old, My parents stayed together for the children, and I can honestly say it made the children miserable to listen to and see all the unhappiness. But I really feel people give up on marriage much to soon, and worry to much about only their being happy. the grass is not always greener, or happy on the other side of the fence. I also think counseling would be a good option for you both, or just you if he won't go. This is all just my opinion, take what you can use leave the rest, and like everyone else I would be glad to listen any time. Good luck and Gods love to you and your family

Yup, they're always the ones who don't need any help. No matter what the problem is, its the other person's fault, not theirs....

By stating your marriage comes first my point being is that if someone is in a commitment and want to make a relationship work then they have to put that relationship first. If our relationship is strong then we can help our children to succeed in life by showing them an example of what it means to be in a good relationship. I also think we can't really give the best advice because we are only hearing one side of the story. Talking to someone would be the best course of action for you and your husband IMO. I personally have learned from my own experience that we need to think of others involved in any argument. I know that all of us have different opinions probably based on our own experiences so I really do hope you and your family are able to work everything out.

oh forgot to add.. tell the MIL to mind her own business.   

Thank you guys for all the advice and support, you have no idea what it means to me.

Here is the update: Yesterday I was feeling a little froggy so I decided to approach my husband and ask the big question: what is going to happen to us, of course his answer was "I dont know, what do you want to do." So I let all of my feelings go. I told him that for us to be a family it needs to be all of us, regardless of who OUR daughter chooses to be with. I also had to remind him that we got married at 18 , and no one could stop us and we also acted like fools. We also had huge fights and went crying and screaming back to our parents like idiots and they still supported us. Therefore he needs to remember that and let go of some of his pride and renew his relationship with his daughter. And do you know what he said to me, I just about feel on the floor, he said I was right. I am still in shock, and wait it gets better, I also told him he could not shut out Nathan (daughters boyfriend) and he said that he would even work on that. Now I am not sure but all of you said you were going to pray for me and my situation so either that work or I did fall on the floor and hit my head hard and am dreaming.LOL. Thank you so much for your prayers, I had been doing alot of praying myself (I do pray everyday anyway but this was extra praying).

I also spoke to my husband about showing his feelings a little more, I told him it did not have to be all the time, I am not trying to make him into someone else, just a little compliment once in a while. I do not expect flowers everyday or all the touchy feely stuff all the time, i definately dont want that, I just want a kind work or a little note left, nothing elaborate or anything that he has to go out and spend money on, I am a simple gal. And I will do the same. I guess just repect. Also that way his son will see it and know how to treat a woman when he gets older.

Thank you guys again, I dont know what I would do without you, you are truely the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm very glad you two talked things out and I hope and pray you continue to work on your relationship. It's not easy being with someone else and learning to deal with all the quirks but in the end it's worth it if you are in a committed relationship. Prayer is a powerful thing no doubt. God bless.