I just need to talk, so thank you for listening.  Last Friday, as I drove my son in to pre-K class, I passed two ambulances and the firehouse alarm went off.  When we got to school (in a church), there was a funeral service starting up.  On the way home, someone ran a stop sign and narrowly missed hitting my car.  We live less than two miles from his school.  I told my husband that I felt like there was a weird vibe in the air.  Later that day, I found out that the second ambulance was there for one of my son's classmates.  His mom was walking his older sisters to the school bus stop and a car hit him.  He just turned four last week.  On Friday he was med-evac'ed to the city's leading hospital.  Today I found out that that poor little boy died.  I have known this child since his mom and I were pregnant together.  I feel so absolutely terrible for the family, so grateful that my own children are safe, and so guilty that I got to hug my little boy today when another mom is left with empty arms.

I know the feeling of surviors guilt.  My best friend was pregnant when I was with Caitlyn.  She went in on her 32nd week and we found out that the baby was dead.  She then had to go through labor to delivery the baby the next day.  I felt so guilty.  I knew that she couldn't be around me at the time, but I wanted her to know that I understood, so I wrote her a letter telling her that I loved her and I would be there when she needed me.

When I got pregnant with Ashelyn guess who was pregnant again.  I had Ashelyn at the last of July and the day I came home from the hospital she went into the hospital to see if they could help her save this baby.  They only were able to keep her from having him for a few weeks.  She had another baby boy that only weighed 1lb ~ 6oz.  Jacob had many bad days and I have never prayed so hard in my life.  He was in the hospital for over 4 months before he came home with a sleep apnea monitor.  Now Jacob and Ashelyn are both 10 years old and he is a healthy, active boy.  The only thing that is a lingering effect is a slight hearing loss in one ear.

I know you love your baby, but the feelings that you have are not unusual.  I talked to a friend of mine that had a baby right after her sister's baby had died.  She felt terrible.  Some people just have more epathy than other and things affect them deeper than most.  I think that is what you are going through.

I will keep the family of that little boy in my prayers ~ I can't imagine what they are going through to lose a little one like that.  I will also keep you and your baby in my prayers.  It isn't easy for kids to understand, sometimes it is the parents that feel it the most!

If you EVER need to talk PM me or give me a call.  I am here to lend a hand if possible!

Tammy

I am so sorry for a couple reasons. One that I didn't see this earlier and of course for the heartache you are feeling.

It is so hard when we loose our loved ones and friends. We know that we all will die but that doesn't make it easy when we experience these kinds of things.

God bless this family and you and your family. I pray the healing process goes by quickly and that the Lord carries all of you.

Such a tragedy. Words can't begin to express what that poor family must be feeling. I lost my best friend when I was growing up and I have never gotten over it. All you can do is love your family, be grateful for what you have and offer support to their family.   You are all in my prayers.