1)  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 
2)  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 
3)  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
4)  He who hesitates is probably right.
 
5)  Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
 
6)  No one is listening until you make a mistake.
 
7)  The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
 
8)  The chances of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
 
9)  The severity of an itch is proportional to the reach.
 
10)  Two wrongs are only the beginning.
 
11)  The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
 
12)  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
13)  A fool and his money are soon partying.
 
14)  Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
 
15)  Hard work pays off in the future.  Laziness pays off now.
 
16)  Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
 
17)  Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
 
18)  If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
 
19)  What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
 
20)  Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
 
21)  I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
 
22)  Shin:  a device for finding furniture in the dark.
 
23)  How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
 
24)  Laughing stock:  cattle with a sense of humor.
 
25)  For Sale:  Parachute.  Only used once, never opened.  Small stain.

:lol: Thanks for the laugh :lol:

16) Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

LMAO!!!  :shock: