divorce

tiffandrock

tiffandrock

Active member
So I know theres gotta be at least one of you that has gotten a divorce. What process do you have to go through?

My husbands brother, him and his wife have only been married a year and she kicked him out of the house, said she wants a divorce, and wants to file the papers tommorrow. Or get the papers tommorrow.
I really didn't think they would last, but its a shock that it was so soon. He has some mental issues, and she does too. But they also are living with her mom and sister. They are both disabled. So its real hard to have a healthy relationship.
My mil thinks they just used them to get ahead. She paid for them, and helped move them out of a bad neighborhood apartment, into a nice safe neighborhood. Paid lots of money on other things, the wedding (since mom had no money, and dad was dead).
Well now wife went insane as I think. Kicked him out. Went on a date tonight with a man, and pawned her wedding ring.
I'm still in shock just really don't know what to say.
So how does the divorce work? Does he have to sign the papers? What will happen if he doesn't?
 
I am so sorry!!!

I have been through one divorce and am filing for my second (yeah, I know!). My first divorce was easy. We both signed the paperwork and went to court and it was done. We had no children and I gave him the house and didn't want anything else. It was easy and we actually remained friends.

This one is a mess - we have a son and my husband is MIA so I am jumping through hoops.

The way the divorce is handled depends upon the state your brother lives in. But usually one person files, the other gets served with the paperwork with a set court date and they both appear before a judge. The judge then grants the divorce.

If he doesn't want to sign the paperwork yet he got served sometimes a judge will grant the divorce anyway. If he doesn't get served she can still get the divorce, but she has to make sure that he got notified somehow - sometimes by posting it in the legal section of the local paper near his last know residence. Her filing for divorce is just the first step of many - and it can take many months to get a court date. It really all depends on where you live and how busy the courts are.

Maybe he should first wait a few days before he does anything? It all sounds pretty hasty and maybe she will change her mind after things calm down a bit. Also he can contact a local attorney for a free consult. But if she is already dating other men (and pawning her wedding jewelry) your brother, even though probably devastated, will be better off in the long run without her.

Divorce is hard, no matter who files for it.

((hugs))

Edited to Add: This link has lists of divorce laws in each state: http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/states.shtml
 
Thanks for the advice. I think they are better off with the divorce. But its a hard situtation.

My husbands brother is really needy, wants to keep tabs all the time, and has a lot of issues. The wife is depressed alot, Doesn't stand up for him, takes her friends and familys side instead of her husbands. Plus they live with the mom and sister. And for some reason her best friend and the boyfriend live there right now too. Its a whole mess. And I think things wouldn't have gone this far if it was just them too. But with four other people saying thier opions and fighting all the time. Then its worse then it should be.

Theres people in this world that should fix themselves instead of finding "love". I feel like my brother in law is one of them. He is a mess and can't be in a good relationship until he loves himself, and matures, and whatever else.
The men in my husbands family are freakin nuts. My husband is sometimes crazy, but he has more going for him, because he is on meds, and is a christian. The other men are not. So you have the dad, that is a compulsive gambler, and they just filed bankrupcy. Then you have my brother in law. He's so self concious, no self esteem, lots of mental issues, and now I'm finding out has a porn addiction. My mil wants her boys to be happy. But I think sometimes theres blinders on or something. LIke she would do anything for them to be happy. Even if it means rushing her son to get married.

Rocky and I rushed into marriage. It was really hard for the past 6 years. The first couple of years I really thought we were goners. But we had two things on our side, 1. God, he is always there for us when things get tough. 2. The willinglyness to not give up. We are constantly trying to find ways to work things out.
So are marriage just happened to last. But I think they look at us as like an example. And think well they worked it out.
It's not that easy.
So what is the best situation for him? 1. He stays in a loveless controlling verbal abusive marriage (but because hes so needy, he doesn't see it as that). Or 2. He gets a divorce, moves back in with his parents, and becomes the sad wierdo guy that dates all kinds or mean girls that step all over him.

For those that don't know. We are all in our early twenties. Just thought I would mention that. :crazytongue:
 
Oh God bless you and your family. and please understand I don't mean this in a bad way, but I would not go back to being in my 20s for love or money. That is such a confusing time, and you are not even sure about yourself, much less your partner. I was married at 17 2 kids by 20 and a divorce by 22. It can be a very tough time. I am now in my late 40s and see that I was really not old enough or mature enough for the life I was trying to lead. Not trying to say that is where you are, eveyone has to figure their own way and it sounds like you and your hubby are on the right path by following God and relizing that marrage takes work and lots of it. I have been married now over 20 years and must say when it is right it is a wonderful, beutiful thing. Then on somedays it is a real pain in the butt, but this to will pass, the trick is to remember that. As far as divorce, it is different in every state, I got a no fault when I was young and got my divorce, but should have gone for abuse and not let him off the hook. I was just wanting to get away and wanted the quickest easiest way, which was no fault, but even that took 6 months before it could be granted, In Il. where I live if you don't go no fault, you have to have evedence of what the other party did wrong, and it gets very tough to prove, you can still get the divorce, but it takes a long time. At least that is the way the laws where a few years ago when my sister got her divorce. Maybe they should give it some time so that they will both not be as upset and could maybe work it out easier, even if they go for a divorce, it is easier if you can work it out instead of fight it out. God be with you all and I will pray for you and your family.
 
Thank you for your kind words.

I know he doesn't want the divorce. She thinks its going to be easy. I think she expects to just go there tommorrow and fill out some papers and have it done. lol. Not that easy. I've heard it can take a long time, and lots of money.
 
Tiff, sorry to hear about this situation, but when I saw your note I worried that it was you. Glad that it's not. My best advice: get a lawyer.
 
:sunny: Tis best to just be available for emotional support. Leave the advise and legalities to the lawyers. So many times people that split, end up back together so try not to bad mouth the sil too much until the divorce papers are signed. You wouldn't want it to come back and bite you in the butt!
 
If they're both mentally ill, there is some possibility they may qualify for an annulment (which is like saying the marriage never was, its quite a bit simpler than a divorce) if they're not competent to enter into the marriage contract. Annulment on grounds of mental incompetence is legal in Florida. Again, talk to a lawyer.
 
Tiff I am so sorry to hear about this and I was also worried there for a minute that it was you wanting a divorce. Thank God you and Rocky are doing good. I do feel for anyone going through divorce. I was married young and had 2 girls but we did get divorced. I agree with tobby because I was also too young the first time. I have been married now for 20 years this Feb. and I am very blessed to have this man.

My divorce was filed in Colorado and we did it ourselves. My ex and I are good friends and still love each other but just not as husband and wife.
 
My lawyer said that my divorce/custody battle was the worse she's ever seen.

It's simple. Either both agree to get divorced and sign off on the papers or someone has to sue the other one for divorce.

It took about three years to finally get the divorce, and another 2 1/2 years to finally refinance the house to pay me out which is currently in the process. The custody thing will forever be an ongoing thing until they are both 18.

If two people aren't meant to be with each other, the earlier they divorce the better. I wasted 19 years of my life on that abusive, compulsive lying jerk.

Financially, it's easier to get married then get divorced.
 
sorry your family is going through this tiff. :love: It doesnt sound like a healthy relationship at all.

Since they have no children, no real property from the sounds of it either, He could go to a paralegal and get the paperwork started. Thats what I did with my first marriage. It cost around 175.00 for the paralegal and 200.00 for the court cost.. that was 15 years ago though.
 
Re: divorce update

Hey guys

Well last night around 3 am, I was sleeping, and woke up to this horrible screaming, crying, yelling voice. It was a mans voice, but not my husbands. Scared me really bad. Well I jumped out of bed, ran to the living room.
There was my husband and his brother. His brother screaming, crying, etc, on the loudest voice possible. I told him to be quiet Kailey is sleeping. (this is the 2nd time in 2 days that they woke me up, the first time was a bunch of phone calls).
Well I got him to quiet down a little bit. I told him he was going to have to leave if he couldn't stop, because I didn't want him waking Kailey up. He was on the phone with his wife, yelling at her, and crying, and asking her what went wrong. Well I decided to sit there and listen. IF this was going on in my house, I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. Well my husband, was basically egging it on more. He was like well we need to do something about this, etc etc. We need to call the cops, because the friends are living there and aren't on the lease.
Basically my husband and his brother were acting like immature kids. Well Finally the wife got sick of it, and wouldn't answer his phone calls. So that calmed him down. He stopped crying. I rationally talked to him. Told him my thoughts. And he really calmed down. Well then it was about 4:30 am and Rocky wanted to go to sleep. And Sam wanted to go back home. He can't drive. So Rocky didn't want to take him home. He said he would take him home tommorrow. I told him no, I'll take him. MY husband works nights, and he is so hard to wake up.
So I drove Sam home at 5 am. We went to hardees and got breakfast, Sam payed. This was really wierd, because I am never out this early in the morning. We had a long talk. And I think it did him some good. His parents said he was ok when they saw him, sleeping.
I think he's babyied too much. Hes 24 years old, can't drive. Can't cook, didn't finish highschool or get his ged. I think he thrives on drama. Because all his life was drama. Same with my husband. The one thing I ask, is that he stay away from his old loser friends. Thats the one thing he can't do.
THier parents don't make them strive for the better things in life. They just exist.
So sorry Im rambling. I just thought I would express my opions on this situation. Cause I need to let it out.
My sil and her friend. Have said a lot of crap about me over the years. And I could say mean things to them. But have decided to take the high road, and let them think what they want. I truly believe they are just jealous, and that is why they feel the need to talk so much bad about people.
 
Family drama gets really weird. When my BIL's wife number two of four was arguing with him she went out to her truck and came in with a gun and threatened to kill my BIL. My DH (who was 15 at the time) took the gun away from her, said "heck its not even loaded, see"...and shot her TV set. At which point my BIL said very calmly "I was watching that" :laughing:
BIL did three tours in 'nam (Recon Ranger), nothing phases him...
 
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