thanks guys, I feeling a little better today, did get something to keep my mind busy and not feel so lonely, the local police have been trying to help me get a guard dog due to situations, and they found me a English mastiff/boxer, she is 9months old, and weights about 80lbs, she is trained pretty well, still has allot of puppy though, but definitely gives me something to keep mind busy and feel safer and have some company, Man does she have a big tongue, lol. They helped me because felt the need was very important and I no way could afford to buy one, they are really pricey if trained, up to $8000 for not fully trained, anyway God provides, a lady who got this one divorced and could not afford to feed her anymore and was most concerned she went where loved and not just thrown in a building or junk yard, so she called the county police and they said they knew just the place for her, so I became a mommy, nothing like having a furry family. To be honest please keep praying still tough, but doing better with my new friend, anytime I cry she jumps on my lap and starts licking, and that is allot of dog on your lap, everyone was shocked at how easy she took to me, usually they are very hard to get to change owners, but then again, God knows I need some help. Thank you all and God bless