Bunch of amateur whiners in here

Let me give it a shot:
EVERYBODY wins EVERYTHING except for me. It just isn't fair. Even my mom says it isn't fair. Oh a bunch of you have won vacations? Must be nice. I sure could use a vacation after my manager gave me a hard time at work last year, but because I tell it like it is I never get chosen to win (no way it's random drawings!). I'm just going to quit if I don't win something soon. I'll spend my free time doing something productive like playing video games or picking up a smoking habit.
There! That should satisfy the whining gods.